"I AM WHAT I AM AND WHAT I AM IS WONDERFUL"

THIS IS TOOOOOOO HARD!!! I don't have time to plan and cook balanced, filling, low cal meals, and if I don't I over eat. I had enough, yesterday I went for a walk with my daughter and I bought a coffee against her advice. Felt guilty, burnt my tongue and took that as a sign I didn't need it, held onto it and then ended up not drinking it. Later that evening Igot upset and said "I don't think I can do this" and my daughter replied "not with that attitude you won't!" Hmmmmm, now who is the child and who is the parent here? Eye opener yes, but it is so much easier to give up and complain about it than it is to keep trying, but that is what I am going to do . . . keep trying and I pray that one day it will be easier. I am good all day, the evenings when I actually have time to relax I eat, not because I am hungry, but because I can and I do :( For some reason I associate relaxing with eating, not good at all. Good thing I don't have more relaxing time or that could turn into a nightmare. I have to admit I have made some smarter choices and am exercising more, so I should be proud about that, but I get frustrated. I lose a pound, gain 2, lose 2 gain 1. The thought of having to do this for the rest of my life is depressing. I need to find a balance. I thought I had this all down pat. I know what I need to do, why can't I just do it and continue to do it. Why do I start to give up as soon as I see it working? Am I setting myself up to fail on purpose. Lost 7 lbs and instead of continuing what I was doing because it worked, I don't. I feel like I am sabotaging myself on purpose. WHY? That is next on my list to figure out. If I want it so bad, what am I so afraid of ? Maybe losing who I am? You see so many people who lose weight become different people . . . what if that happens to me and I end up skinny and alone. That would be worse for me than being heavy. What if my husband liked me better heavier, that would hurt. What if I do all this work and my body is smooshy and ugly? Or what if I lose it to only gain it all back again? This is insane! I need to think about one thing at a time and deal with things as they come. Who knew losing weight could be so terrifying and complicated. Who am I kidding I did!!! Deep down inside I know that the people who truly care about me will always be there for me - smooshy or not. Maybe these are just excuses as well. Tooooo complicated. Lets stick to exercising and eating healthy for now. I do have to say that I do feel better and am looking a little more toned, so my efforts aren't going unnoticed and I guess if you really think about it, that is all that matters, how you feel . . . As it says in the Simple Abundance . . . "Today we make peace with the past: with the bodies and faces we were born with and those that have evolved. Today, we embrace the lines that stare back at us, the parts that sag in the middle or stick out where they shouldn't, the hair that never keeps a curl or never loses it." "It will take a bit of doing, learning to love all our personal pilgrimage places. However, before genuine love can flourish, we must finally accept ourselves exactly as we are today. Not tomorrow or next week or when we lose twenty-five pounds. Remember, acceptance is acknowledging the reality of a situation: that we're heavier than we'd like to be, for example, or that our complexion is ruddy or sallow, or that we've got gray streaks, or that leggings just don't work for us. Most of us think of other women as beauties, never ourselves. But every women was created by Spirit to be genuine beauty. We learn how to reveal to the world our unique radiance only after we acknowledge it ourselves." " I am what I am and what I am is wonderful." This hits so close to home, this is why I love this book!!! Really makes you think!!!