I just want to thank the person who recommended this book to me and I highly recommend it to others. I am now on the 11th page and I already have goose bumps! In the book the author discusses how a particular women felt as she felt she always had “to be broken." Many, including myself can relate . . . If you keep yourself wounded and damaged, you will be loved . . . I have already mentioned in earlier blogs that I am scared if I lose the weight, the people who love me now, may not love me anymore??? As I read on she talks about"resistance to the pain can be worse than the pain . . . " "It's like saying goodness is not just for everyone, it is for me . . ." for some reason, this made me remember a moment in my childhood. When I was younger, after my mom got sick. I remember a conversation my dad had with someone, not sure who. My dad had mentioned that my mom made a comment about things going "too good" and that she felt like something was going to happen. She ended up with a terminal illness.( I am in tears as I type because I miss her soooo much I can't stand it!!!xoxoxox.) I, several times over the years would remember this particular conversation. I remember telling my sister-in-law years ago that I sometimes would pick a fight with my husband just so things wouldn't be "too good." I was afraid of things being "too good." She just laughed as did I. Is it possible that maybe deep down inside I found an easier way to keep things from being "too good" which technically only affects me personally? (my weight?) Hmmmm . . . If I always have this weight "problem," things will never be "too good" and therefore nothing "bad" will happen. Maybe subconsciously keeping this weight on will keep my family from having to deal with what we had to because things were "going too good" ????? WHEN THINGS ARE GOING GOOD, BAD THINGS HAPPEN????? WOW!! Could it even be possible? Of course I know that isn't the way life works, ("knock on wood") but as silly as it sounds - it makes so much sense! Now, how do I change it? I was always aware that people who over eat were eating because of unresolved issues from their past. I thought I was different. What could I possibly have in my past that could be affecting me now? I made peace with my past, my past made me who I am today and I regret nothing. Why would something from my past make me want to eat? What am I holding onto? This is going to be a long journey!!! Am I truly ready for the truth???
Friday, June 4, 2010
WHAT AM I HOLDING ONTO? . . .
I just want to thank the person who recommended this book to me and I highly recommend it to others. I am now on the 11th page and I already have goose bumps! In the book the author discusses how a particular women felt as she felt she always had “to be broken." Many, including myself can relate . . . If you keep yourself wounded and damaged, you will be loved . . . I have already mentioned in earlier blogs that I am scared if I lose the weight, the people who love me now, may not love me anymore??? As I read on she talks about"resistance to the pain can be worse than the pain . . . " "It's like saying goodness is not just for everyone, it is for me . . ." for some reason, this made me remember a moment in my childhood. When I was younger, after my mom got sick. I remember a conversation my dad had with someone, not sure who. My dad had mentioned that my mom made a comment about things going "too good" and that she felt like something was going to happen. She ended up with a terminal illness.( I am in tears as I type because I miss her soooo much I can't stand it!!!xoxoxox.) I, several times over the years would remember this particular conversation. I remember telling my sister-in-law years ago that I sometimes would pick a fight with my husband just so things wouldn't be "too good." I was afraid of things being "too good." She just laughed as did I. Is it possible that maybe deep down inside I found an easier way to keep things from being "too good" which technically only affects me personally? (my weight?) Hmmmm . . . If I always have this weight "problem," things will never be "too good" and therefore nothing "bad" will happen. Maybe subconsciously keeping this weight on will keep my family from having to deal with what we had to because things were "going too good" ????? WHEN THINGS ARE GOING GOOD, BAD THINGS HAPPEN????? WOW!! Could it even be possible? Of course I know that isn't the way life works, ("knock on wood") but as silly as it sounds - it makes so much sense! Now, how do I change it? I was always aware that people who over eat were eating because of unresolved issues from their past. I thought I was different. What could I possibly have in my past that could be affecting me now? I made peace with my past, my past made me who I am today and I regret nothing. Why would something from my past make me want to eat? What am I holding onto? This is going to be a long journey!!! Am I truly ready for the truth???
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