ANOTHER TEST . . .

TGIF!!! Thought the weekend would never get here. I have a 50Th birthday party and a communion party to attend. Looking forward to the socializing, but not looking forward to looking for something I don't feel huge wearing. I know I should be happy with myself, but I always feel self conscious when I have to get dressed up. Sitting down . . . is my stomach hanging out? Can they tell I gained weight? Am I the biggest person here? Is my husband embarrassed of me? I know -I am so important that everyone will be focused on me anyway, right? Forget about the guest of honor, its all about me! LOL!! I know . . . I also know that I don't look that bad at all, and that my husband isn't embarrassed by me, in fact he always tells me how beautiful I look and doesn't understand what it is I see when I look in the mirror. Maybe he sees me and all I see is the weight. I can't explain it. I look forward to the day that I can go into a store and not get frustrated with the size I have to wear, or go out and not have to wonder what people are thinking about me and my weight. Will my weight really change those feelings or is it just me??? Do I need to change my way of thinking first? Boy! I have a lot of work to do . . . I am going to remind myself of the progress I am making and feel good about that. Focus on the positive and not the negative. What was that saying . . . Oh ya! "victims focus on problems . . . " OK so now another "problem" that I am not going to focus on!!! See, I am learning!!! Eating while out, this is a big struggle for me. Another test, lets see how I do this weekend . . .