TO A NEW BEGINNING . . .

I have not yet been for my physical, something came up and it was postponed . . . unfortunately. Not the end of the world, just a new beginning for me. I now have even more time to get my cholesterol down and that I will do. I am on a new mission to get healthier and live life, it is for this reason that I am ending this blog and moving onto an extension. I have a new motto to follow and that is "Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment." AND I plan to do just that ;) MY NEW BLOG CAN BE FOUND AT http://lovemymirrorimage2.blogspot.com/

CHEERS!!!

HAPPY NEW YEAR . . .

Happy New Year!!! Hope everyone had an amazing New Year! Just returned from Cancun. Spent Xmas and New Years there. Didn't seem like the holidays, but was such an incredible experience. What an awesome way to end the year!!! I have to say that when I first started this journey, I was confused, focused solely on losing weight and didn't even fathom getting anything else out of this. As I have probably said several times, I have learned so much about myself. I have overcome many fears/phobias. I have learned to accept me for who I am and be comfortable in my own skin. All this also helped my marriage become stronger and I have built a better relationship with my children. I have learned to accept others as they are and not to judge them because they don't do or say what I would hope them to. Their lives are just that - theirs and mine is mine! I realize that I can do anything I set my mind to do and that if it takes time, that is OK. Even in Cancun I had eye opener experiences about myself. I continued to eat proper which I am excited about, I wore a bathing suit without a t-shirt on the beach and felt good about myself. Didn't compare myself to all the "skinny" people. I felt good! I have not wore a bathing suit without a cover since I was in grade 8, that is how self conscious I was. My family was very supportive and proud of me. I was able to roam the airport, hotel, city on my own with out any anxiety. I went on a night fishing charter and the waves were so high and moving the boat around like on the deadliest catch and I was calm and just enjoyed myself with my family without any worries. I wasn't going to go snorkeling with my daughter because I was scared, but I did and was so glad I did. It was an amazing experience. I not only got to experience the reef, I got to do it with my daughter/husband and I over came my fear. Both my daughter and husband again were very pleased and proud of me for attempting it!!! So as you can see, my journey didn't stop when I left my home town and I am sure it won't stop once I reach my goal weight which is another story. . . I am not weighing myself until my journey year is officially up, but all I can say is I FEEL GOOD and I am hoping at my next appointment I will not only feel good, but be healthier as well. I will say it once again that this journey has made an incredible impact on my life that you can't even begin to understand. Some things seem trivial to others, but to me they were paralyzing at times and to overcome it is an amazing feat for me. So I will continue to work on the healthy part and we will see shortly how it all works out!!! Thanks again to those who have supported and believed in me all along. 2011 I am ready for you . . . May 2011 be all you hope it will be . . .

BACK ON TRACK . . .

I am happy to say that I am back on track once again. Wasn't as hard to do as previous times, very happy about that (any progress is still progress). Hoping not to be making a habit of it!!! I have got some very nice "healthy eating" recipes that I absolutely love, so it doesn't seem like work. They are filling and satisfying and I don't need to eat all day. I am now able to make a healthy dish with meat, vegetables and spices and it actually tastes good. Learning how to cook with little or no salt, no butter and no frying. It wasn't easy, but I am on my way!!! I am very excited to be going to watch my daughter in her Christmas concert, today. She will be singing. She definitely did not get that talent from me! As I was getting dressed to go, I noticed that my pants were fitting a bit big :) :) :) so I will take that as a sign that I am on track. The big test . . . we will be doing Xmas baking this weekend and next weekend we will be having family over. I did pretty good at Halloween, so am confident that I can handle this!!! Wishing you all a very Merry Christmas and a Healthy and Happy New Year!!! I will be back in the new year!!!

HERE GOES AGAIN!!! . . .

Here is where I am now . . . I was doing very well with my healthy eating, no pressure, loving it, Aa bit more work, but still enjoyed it. Then I tried to introduce an exercise routine and I found I had no time after exercises to cook mine and the families dinners. I started to get tired and frustrated and overwhelmed and you know what comes next . . . I started to grab what ever there was or what everyone else was eating which is healthy, but not what I was needing to be eating for dinners/lunches and skipping breakfasts. Now I am having to start again. I guess if I was doing good without exercising then why bother at this point? I just feel that being healthy should include exercise as well as proper nutrition!!! This time I will wait longer and introduce it slowly!!! Here goes again . . . ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!

WEIGH IN . . .

I have officially been on this journey since March 25/10 and on my healthy eating kick since August 16/10. Just came back from my physical and am pleased to say that I have lost 10 pounds. Since Aug. I look some what different, but most importantly I feel and think differently. I do eat things I shouldn't (within reason), but for the most part I focus on healthy alternates! I have asked the doctor to hold off on my yearly blood work until February/11 so I have more time to get healthier. It will be just before my journey ends and I want to see if losing weight will bring down my cholesterol which has been a great concern of mine. Also excited to say that My husband has lost 10 pounds as well and his blood pressure is lower now. I am equally proud of him as I am of myself. So here goes, almost 5 months left of this journey and am excited to see the end results . . . can't wait!!! Until then . . . NO MORE SCALE!!!

TURKEY @ THE TRAILER . . .

Spent Thanksgiving at the trailer with my family! What an amazing weekend! Wasn't sure how turkey dinner would turn out over the fire, but didn't care as long as we were all together. Turns out the weather was fabulous as was the dinner, couldn't have had a better time. I ate all I wanted without any hesitation and it felt good. By allowing myself what ever I wanted and as much as I wanted, I didn't stress, but at the same time I was also aware of what I really wanted and what I could pass on . . . I didn't have to eat everything in site if I didn't want to and I didn't. I was pleasantly surprised with myself. Turkey dinner has always been my weakness ;) Enjoyed several long walks amongst the fallen leaves, watched the sun rise and set with my children, got to snuggle my most favourite breed of dog (St. Bernard), observed the wild life, met some very nice peop le and was very sad to have to leave. Looks like we have started a new tradition . . .

Turkey @ the trailer . . .

MY TRUTH ABOUT VEGGIES . . .

Veggies. . . when I first got married, never saw them in my fridge, after my first child was born, fridge was full, but I never ate them! Now, I love them! I love them so much that I prefer to plant veggies in my yard over flowers. I could and often do eat them for breakfast. Veggies can be eaten raw, cooked, dipped, in salads, casseroles, they can be eaten for breakfast, lunch, dinner, as a snack. They help fight diseases, provide us with much needed vitamins, they add colour to a dish, and they taste good too! My newest discovery for vegetables is how they can amazingly add bulk to your plate and make you forget that your plate is 3/4 full of vegetables rather than pasta and you feel fuller after. Lets not forget that you are getting many other benefits along with it. So why is it that we know just how important vegetables are to us yet we tend to over look them? VEGGIES ARE MY NEW BEST FRIEND . . . (rice noodles, bok choy, celery, red/green peppers, garlic, onions and snow peas with chicken)

GOOD BYE TO THE SCALE . . .

Why has it taken me such a long time to realize that the scale is not my friend. All it does is stress me out and for what. Today I am saying good bye to the scale for good and I don't feel sad about it. GOOD BYE . . .

UPDATE . . .

Ok! So, I celebrated 20 years married the middle of Sept. Hard to believe it has been that long. We have been together for almost 24 years. Went back to where we met and it was as if we went back in time. The place may have looked different, the people dressed very casual . . . we never would have been caught dead there wearing flip flops and shorts or even jeans for that matter, the people were young, but even though we were surrounded by so many changes, I felt like I did 20 years ago. It was incredible! The music was great, (played a lot of our old songs, I guess they never get old) the company, the conversation, it was like we were in our own little world, nothing had really changed, we ordered the same drinks that we used to drink, it couldn't have been more perfect! Hoping to share 100 more years together! My husband is making it easier for me to stay on track as he is doing the same thing as me. It has been nice, even the kids are starting to make better choices! We are both losing at a slow, but healthy rate and I am comfortable with that. Kids are back to school. I miss them, but wait patiently for them to come home to hear all about their day. My older son is getting a life of his own, I so dreaded the day, but I am happy I got 17 years almost all to myself. We still have our evening chats, but I am getting old, I can't stay up as late as I used to . . . Enjoying the Fall weather, something about the crisp air and colorful leaves, makes the day a whole lot better! Started making soups again . . . love soups in fall/winter months, as a matter of fact I am about to sit down and enjoy some kale and bean soup now and watch days of our lives! Could never before have sat down and been satisfied with a bowl of soup for lunch . . . LOVE IT!!! Just finished riding my bike and watching Little house on the Prairie . . . How cool would it be to live then when a new slate or hand sewn dress could mean so much!!! I think I was meant to have lived back then! Soups getting cold, gotta go!

I am sitting in the yard, kids are napping and having some escarole soup with turkey meatballs . Its the weekend yay!!!!

WHERE HAS THE TIME GONE?

I can't believe it has already been almost 6 months since my journey started. Where has the time gone? I may not be close to my goal weight yet which is really the reason I started this journey, but what I have discovered on this journey about myself and what I have overcome so far is far better than I could have ever imagined! So I have to say that it has been a successful journey so far and I will keep plugging away! Thank you to those people who have been supportive, no matter how crazy I make them. It has been great having you along on this journey with me.

FEELING GOOD . . .

I forgot just how good I feel after a workout . . . such a sense of accomplishment, a really good feeling!!! Now if I could only have that feeling when I am trying to get myself up to do it ;)

DAY 17 . . . I BELIEVE

I have lost 7 lbs to date. I know that it isn't the point, but I was curious and you know what they say about curiosity . . . Lost it without actually doing exercise ;) Summer is almost over and back to routine . . . I love routine, my treadmill is now fixed and can't wait to get back on it. Played dance dance with my daughter yesterday and had a hoot. I am not very coordinated any more, I was out of breath and I looked like an idiot, but it was so much fun. Lets hope I don't keep losing the same 7 lbs over and over as I have before. I must have lost this same 7 lbs over 1000 times. No more, now it is for good . . .

DAY 5 . . .

Woke up very energized this morning. Packed and had oatmeal with banana for breakfast. Going out with my sister tonight and am looking forward to it. Picked string beans and red peppers from my daughters garden and had them with grilled trout and wild rice for lunch. It was devine. My daughters garden has given us the most amazing tomatoes, string beans, peppers, beets, greens, lettuce and cucumbers. Just sad the supply is starting to dwindle. Enjoyed it a lot!!! Thanks Mar. Can't wait to see what you plant next year :)

DAY 4 . . . AWESOME!!!

Today for lunch we had a grilled tomato, pesto and a bit of cheese sandwich on two pieces of Ezekiel bread . . . yuuuummmm! It wasn't very much, but it was delicious and satisfying. I wasn't hungry until dinner :) For dinner I had a spinach, asparagus salad with a warm balsamic vinaigrette. I have to admit I wasn't sure I would like it. I never eat asparagus , raw spinach or raw onions and this recipe had all 3, but I was pleasantly pleased and it was actually very delicious and filling. I added some red leaf lettuce and romaine with the spinach because I didn't think I would like raw spinach on its own. Scrumptious!!! Frank and I sat and enjoyed our salad together because the kids were out and it was quite nice. Eating smaller "real" food dinners hasn't been too bad and having Frank doing it along side me is awesome :)

DAY 3 . . . SWEET POTATOES???

Fell into old habits last night, got bored at 10 and ate something that wasn't considered "real" food, could have made a better choice and didn't, but stopped myself 1/2 way through and didn't beat myself up about it!!! Today is a new day and had steel cut oatmeal for breakfast . . . not so sure I really like it without brown sugar, but it works well in cleaning out your system, so I am keeping it! Trying sweet potatoes for lunch instead of white potatoes. I love my white potatoes. Lets see how it goes. So excited we have been able to open the windows the last couple days. My allergies aren't so happy, but who cares . . . fresh air again!!! __________________________________________________ Sweet potatoes . . . ummm ya! Not for me! Frank loves them, but I can't stomach them. Something about a potatoe being sweet, no! I will stick to 1/2 a regular potatoe instead thanks ;)

DAY 2 . . . EATING TO LIVE, NOT LIVING TO EAT A WHOLE NEW PERSPECTIVE!!!

Yesterday wasn't too bad! Ate "real" foods all day/night. Miss my salt sooo much. Food just isn't the same, but I am sure that once I figure out how to spice foods without salt it will be just as tasty. Today had breakfast as soon as I woke. Drinking lots of water, steaming and grilling veg, eating a lot of chicken and fish. Eating a bigger breakfast and lunch and smaller dinner with my plate full of vegetables. No refined sugars at all, how is that even possible for me??? Felt good yesterday, not sluggish. Felt hungry at times, so ate fruit and vegetables and I was good to go!!! It is a bit easier because everyone in the house is doing the same thing. Have not been making my gourmet meals lately, simple ones for a while so I hope the kids don't get bored. When I get the hang of it, I will start adapting my gourmet meals to suit our new needs, don't have the time right now. Found these cool crackers that are all natural, organic, kosher, dairy, wheat, gluten free, no hydrog. oils, no trans fat and have flax in them! Hey they are not as tasty as my normal crackers, but they pack a crunch and are satisfying!!! (Mary's Organic Crackers) Going away this weekend and hope that I can continue my new way of eating. I am not on a diet, I am just changing my diet to what my body needs to survive. I realize I don't need all that I have been eating previous, but I do need what I am eating now in order to survive.

NEEEEEEEXT . . .

I am back!!! Haven't been watching myself over the summer, been busy with the family enjoying myself and not thinking or worrying about anything and it has been nice. Very proud of my "emotional" journey progress, now for my "food" journey progress. Making some headway, slowly, but surely. Realized that I eat more salt, oils, "healthy foods" etc. than I thought. My main sit down meals have been very nutritious, but the nibbling in between that is killing me. I need to eat for what it is that I want to accomplish . . . As much as I want to say I can eat anything I want, I can't! I need to eat "healthy" with healthy foods that won't continue to pack the pounds on. Beans, eating way too many, thought they were healthy, and they are, but not for what it is I am trying to accomplish which is to get healthy and lose weight. So instead of having beans, nuts avocado etc. 4x/wk, only have them 1-2x/wk. Starting a new plan, I can eat what ever I want as long as it isn't junk, processed, jarred, canned or salt filled foods. No salt (very hard) everything tastes so bland without it. I need to find spices that add a similar flavour and I will be OK. Other than my withdrawals over salt, today has been good so far. My menu is limited, but will learn to make great things with what I have. I have to say I am a bit hungry right now so I am going to have some quinoa with peppers, mushrooms, onions and shrimp with a tomatoe salad . . . hope it fills me up. Will let you know how I feel all round over the next week.

PATIENCE IS A VIRTUE . . .

Having some kinda break through . . . Eating . . . no more scale, no more menus, no more, no more, no more!!! I eat what I crave, which isn’t very much lately, as I am very busy which probably isn’t that good either. I am more aware of what I am eating and trying to nibble more with small meals than with larger ones! While trying to get my IBS in order, I found out that by cutting out fried foods, dairy, and wheat, I don’t feel sluggish and yucky any more. I read an article which said stress as well as eating foods that your body has a sensitivity to can lead to weight gain. So I have been watching that and it seems to be going well. Less stressful!!! Yesterday, I lied outside in the sun in my new bathing suit Frank and Mar got me, put Nick’s headphones on, listened to my 80s music and didn't have a clue what was going on around me. It was soooo nice. No one bothered me, I didn’t feel guilty and before I knew it it was dinner and the patio table was set and food out . . . now how on earth did that happen without me knowing!!! They got me two cute bathing suits that I absolutely love. I actually feel comfortable enough in it to go swimming without a T-shirt. They even got me a cover up to wear on the beach that makes me look human instead of a slump of who knows what in an over sized T-shirt. I haven’t lost weight yet, but have come very far with other things that I think will help me in the near future with my weight. I am learning to accept how I look and it is so much less stressful than getting upset every time I have to go out, look in the mirror etc. If I can’t feel good about myself, how can I expect others too. What does this journey have in store for me next? I really want this to be a long term change as appose to a quick fix and am willing to take the time in order for that to happen . . . I am happy with all the emotional learning that is taking place, but who am I kidding, I am hoping it doesn’t take forever for me to see the physical results as well . . . Patience is a virtue as my mom used to say!!!

"MY NEW VOICE . . . "

Just got back from an amazing mini trip with my family. My husband took us to a place that my family and I went over 30 years ago. It was also the first place my husband and I went on our own for the first time after being married and I was tickled pink to be returning after many years. This is where I finished Geene Roth's book - I am sad to say, but I thoroughly enjoyed it and will miss reading it. She truly knew exactly how I was feeling. It felt good to know I wasn't alone or crazy!!! I will be reading it again! Any way what a great place to finally finish it and put some of what I learned to use ." We had the most perfect weather, the sun was shining, the birds were chirping, the bull frogs were bloooppping and I was with my family, what more could I ask for. . . Well! my son couldn't make it, so this was the first "family" trip without him, but instead of dwelling on it I decided to take advantage of this time with my daughter. She hasn't ever been anywhere without her brother, but we had fun. I had time to enjoy some nice conversation with my husband and found out stuff that I didn't know about him . . . hard to believe that after 24 years, there are still things I don't know. So it was nice to talk about just us. And every now and then we would look up to make sure Mar was still on the beach LOL!!! I discussed for the first time with him how I was feeling about my weight. He told me how he felt. It turns out that he doesn’t feel how I thought he did! This was a big weight off my shoulders. He wasn’t just saying it, I could truly see that he meant what he was saying. I learned a lot more about him and can't wait to learn even more. I had a very nice car ride there and back, I only slammed on my breaks once (I wasn't driving) which is a feat in itself. No panic attacks or anxiety at all. At times "The Voice" tried to sneak in and say "what is wrong with you, you are in the car and suppose to be clenching your fists and teeth and wanting to jump out while it is moving, what’s going on?"I simply told it to get lost and off I went to a better place. On this trip I also asserted my own will I guess you could say. I chose not to go fishing. You see, I am always doing everything everyone wants and I do enjoy it, but sometimes I realized that I may enjoy doing something else as well every now and then. So as much as I love fishing with my family, we had already been earlier that morning and I really wanted to relax and finish my book under the tree, so I said that I would rather stay back and they should go and have fun!!! Guess what???? THE WORLD DIDN'T COLLAPSE, and MY FAMILY DIDN'T DISOWN ME!!!! They were very supportive!!! It was rather nice for all three of us. Just in that one day, I not only did something because I wanted to and voiced my feelings, I stayed by myself in a strange place, and "The Voice" that normally would have told me I couldn't, shouldn't do it was no where to be found . . . What an accomplishment . . . "